The Heartstone was excavated in the year of [DATA REDACTED] by Kuipter Laboratories, to be used as yet another plan for their ultimate goal of multiversal domination. It was the true embodiment of a powerful essence, energy of the Heart, and was supposed to be one of a set. However, the Soulstone and the Mindstone were not available for use- the Soulstone had infused itself into the being that is now called Lodin, and the Mindstone was fractured into seventy-six different forms of power revolving around the mind. The Will Fragment, which would later refer to itself (and have others do accordingly) as the KAISER Fragment, contained powerful RYU energy and revealed itself to those who it deemed as worthy. Kuipter foresaw that this energy in particular would lead to his demise and sought out to stamp it out with a more superior form of energy- that of the Heartstone.

But the Heartstone could not think, as it was not the Mindstone, and it could not manifest in any useful form, as it was not the Soulstone. It required a vessel. It required a powerful organism to carry out its wishes. It required underlings.

The project was abandoned after an unsuccessful attempt to keep Kahtem and Ceriazibus under control.

1: Jamicarre


"Society needs to accept that there are people who wish to use technology as part of the body."
- Neil Harbisson

  • Name: Jamicarre
  • Command: Cuckoo Condor

Jamicarre's strength obviously lies within his legs, though his power is derived from his heart. Built as a robot with a fully-functional backup circulatory system, a pulse of a blood-like enriching fluid keeps his functions running in case his semi-fragile circuits blow out. This inner flow network also has an additional skill- it can focus all of this fluid down to the knees and below, where gravity and close-contact with other mechanic parts add on the roles of heat and pressure, effectively increasing the density of this area without altering the inner portions of his body. In this state, Jamicarre is capable of earth-shattering kicks and stomps, though mobility otherwise remains limited. His inner fluids, if brought to the presence of oxygen via cuts or injuries on his strong-steel body, revert into a state of plasma that has harmful effects on flora. Despite this, Jamicarre has a healthy friendship with Muork.

2: Coston


"But the people laughed, and swore that they'd restore the city piece by piece."
- Historia Calamitatum

  • Names: Napoule and Kroften Coston
  • Command: The Wheezing Monarch

Formerly two sisters named Napoule and Kroften, they were mechanics under Cuckoo Condor. After suffering brutal demises during one of Ceriazibus' "moods", they were revived by a former-member of the Wilhelm Assembly who specialized in necromancy and resurrection. The resulting figure was Coston: two metaphysical beings linked by a loose layer of distorted fabric. Coston has the ability to move through solid objects with varying levels of success, though they both feel the pain of this. They are commonly used as distractions or bait in some missions, as they are not only difficult, but impossible to kill by physical means. Only by a severing of their direct connections to Kahtem and Heartstone will they die. It is currently unknown why The Wheezing Monarch uses them for this purpose only, but rumors suggest that Kroften had a romantic history with the aforementioned necromancer, which the Monarch disapproved of greatly.

3: Muork


"And we danced, on the brink of an unknown future, to an echo from a vanished past."
- Day of the Triffids

  • Name: Muork
  • Command: Stiltman

Muork is capable of a simple, yet effective, self-modification, involving decompressing her petals out so that they grow to a larger size. This proves useful for scaring off small-minded predators. However, this trait is not just for showing off, but to represent a warning: a pulsating eight-point star is a symbol of godhood in some ancient cultures. While Muork herself is not a goddess, she does possess an ability of one, which allows her to alter the near-future and recent-past (approximately three seconds) in a short radius around her. This allows for almost perfect dodging, insight, and precision strikes, though dealing with more deadly moves and attacks with a great range of effect may hinder her. She is good friends with Jamicarre, and the two are often paired together as an offensive-defensive battle group.

4: Scapegoat

Scapegoat (Orange)Scapegoat (Pink)Scapegoat (Blue)Scapegoat (Red)

"... It was less of an escape and more of an exorcism."
- Steven Spielberg

  • Names: Luffa, Poffes, Ferrol, and Passur
  • Command: Stiltman

The beings known as Luffa (♀), Poffes (♂), Ferrol (♀), and Passur (♂) are a group of four genetically-identical "skins" of the same life-force. The life of the four, called the Scapegoat as a whole, can transfer between all of the beings, where it retains memories but has a different consciousness. For instance, if Luffa was to exchange lives with Ferrol while angry at a target for stealing her lunch, she may transfer into Ferrol. Ferrol would no longer be angry at the target for stealing his lunch, as it was not his lunch that was stolen, though he would still feel the need to attack said target. This switching-of-being between Scapegoat can lead to a devastating mob of skilled fighters who can cheat death by simply not being alive when the fatal blow is dealt to one of their skins.

For unknown reasons, the skin of Ferrol sometimes may resurrect on her own terms.

5: Sinker


"For, of my heart, those charms, thine eyes, are blotted."
- Othello

  • Name: Sinker
  • Command: The Wheezing Monarch

Sinker is a Leprechaun, similar to the likes of The Felt. He is capable of relatively-swift flight and has the ability to launch a sticky, high-pH venom from his mouth that deals light damage and leaves an opponent stopped in their tracks. This substance also has the ability to increase the gravitational pull of anything caught within it, leaving victims having their limbs compressed closer to the earth at a high velocity. This slow and painful process was deemed as "gross and unruly" by other mobster gangs, but The Wheezing Monarch found it quite hilarious and immediately hired Sinker as one of his own underlings, despite the Wilhelm Assembly not needing any new members at the time. (Curiously enough, Bailey the Harvester of Stiltman's command mysteriously disappeared shortly after.)

6: Propertian


"You can tell the size of a man by the size of the thing that makes him mad."
- Adlai E. Stevenson

  • Name: Propertian
  • Command: The Wheezing Monarch

Propertian, formerly known as Propertile, is the "upgraded" form of a Tree with the somewhat common ability of altering their own size as needed. Propertian, being the result of a forced evolution of this form, is capable of more than this, and can alter the sizes of other objects and organisms at a 3/5 or 7/5 scale. It goes without saying that, in biological terms, organisms are not meant to be compressed or stretched to these odd scales, resulting in horribly disfigured beings. This molecular assault changes the motor skills, chi compositions, auras, etc. of targets, forcing them to take a very long time to get their bearings together. Propertian is related to Perceptile/Percetapian (Perceptile/Percetapian) and is a close friend of Armad/Armorclad.

7: D7


"Men must live and create. Live to the point of tears."
- Albert Camus

  • Name: D7
  • Command: The Wheezing Monarch

D7, a lost member of the D# clan, is a septapersonal entity who can spontaneously cause powdery explosions within a large area of effect. Disconnected from the rest of her clan, she tends to dwell mostly with Ime (who at least 5/7 of her personalities agree is funny to some degree). This seems to suggest that she has a resistance to hallucinations and mind alterations, which leaves her to be a valuable asset of the Wilhelm Assembly as well.

8: Regeorgerate


"A man can be destroyed but not defeated."
- Ernest Hemingway

  • Name: George "Regeorgerate"
  • Command: Heartstone's Chosen (Satchel)

Regeorgerate, another member of the George clan (a group of pets who replace others when their spots are moved, if you haven't been paying attention), is just as mind-numbingly boring as his brethren, at least personality-wise. However, as is indicated by his name, he has the helpful ability to regenerate his LP by doing absolutely nothing. This life-energy builds up within him and can also be fired out RegeorgerateAT where it can be used to heal allies or boost opponents' LP past their max, effectively healing them to death. (For those who have no idea how that may happen, just imagine growing more body parts than you'd need. Very quickly.) Regeorgerate was chosen directly by the Heartstone, and thus is under Satchel's command, though he tends to wander off on his own and bug everyone with his boring speeches.

9: Scallops

Mellow ScallopsNervous ScallopsChittering ScallopsDragonic Scallops

"I don't even know my name yet."
- Bob Marley

  • Name: [Interchangeable adjective as first name] Scallops
  • Command: Stiltman

Scallops, a man notorious for having no official first name (but rather having them rotate about between adjectives depending on his mood), can change his biological composition to increase resistances of any damage type and channel these damage types into his own attacks. However, this is limited to his emotions at the time, which are easily indicated by his current color and name. Mellow denotes Physical, Nervous denotes Freeze, Chittering denotes Poison, and Dragonic denotes Heat. When Scallops becomes emotionally conflicted, whether by stress from a situation or from brain-altering waves from an ally, he becomes "the Mosaic Scallopeño" Mosaic Scallopeño, which has a grand array of resistances to all natural Types, but only relies on Physical moves via tail slashes.

10: Rockem Sockem

Rockem Sockem

"To destroy is still the strongest instinct in nature."
- Max Beerbohm

  • Names: Rockem and Sockem
  • Command: Cuckoo Condor

Perhaps the two most counterproductive members of the Wilhelm Assembly, Rockem and Sockem spend their days beating each other up. They have a miraculous form of recovery that kicks in when they are dealt a fatal level of Physical-type damage, at which point their heads eject upwards and they enter a state of invincibility and suspended animation. This can be reverted when the head is pushed down, at which point Rockem and Sockem continue their quarreling. It is curious as to why Cuckoo Condor chose these members to be under his discretion- It may be from their immovable consciousnesses to war, their applications in defense and recovery, or perhaps the fact that she may plan to one day fit them with weapons that may actually deal damage to targets. Their current statuses in battle seem to predict no future changes in tactics, and they currently spend their days punching each other... and horribly mutilating the corpses of anyone Cuckoo throws in the crossfire.

11: Dη Δpper

Dη Δpper

"A book is a loaded gun in the house next door... Who knows who might be the target of the well-read man?"
- Fahrenheit 451

  • Name: Dη Δpper (Pronounced "Data Deltapper")
  • Command: Stiltman

An average Green-clan Δpper, Dη Δpper was not hired for her sub-par ability to act as a walking lamp. Rather, she has an incredible memory that surpasses the average bounds of mind. Besides her powerful observational skills, she can also absorb the "thoughts" of robotic intelligence and store them in her nigh-infinite brain. There is currently no quick and effective way to transfer this data into documents for printing or otherwise, so Dη has to speak all of this information word-for-word, which becomes difficult and tiring.

12: Blitzen


"The difficulty, of course, is the poison."
- The Spiderwick Chronicles

  • Name: Blitzen
  • Command: The Wheezing Monarch

Blitzen leaves behind a trail of a ghastly acid in xis path. This substance melts through matter on a five-dimensional plane, which results in heavy distortion, spacial rifts, and an almost completely randomized spreading pattern (in our eyes, at least). Blitzen is also a fairly fast swimmer, and as such, is trained for missions involving quick retrieval of an object or for breaking into areas. Xe is somewhat cocky and sometimes overestimates xis abilities.

13: Sketch


"If I create from the heart, nearly everything works; if from the head, almost nothing."
- Marc Chagall

  • Name: Sketch
  • Command: Heartstone's Chosen (Satchel)

Sketch, the brother of Draft, is a former member of a mob known as "Randal's Spawners". He is capable of spawning genderless minions at will with almost no delay time or limit. (Sketch Spawn) This, however, is not his greatest ability- all of his minions can enter a temporary state of mania in which they become red, hyperactive, vicious, and completely incapable of feeling pain or remorse. (Sketch Spawn (Alt)) This state allows for a swarm of underlings to quickly dispatch any target while having no conscience or trauma hold them back. As one of Heartstone's Chosen, he serves under Satchel.

Sketch may be adopted alongside Draft and can supersede the weekly limit if room is available in the monthly limit.

14: Draft


"Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change."
- Stephen Hawking

  • Name: Draft
  • Command: Heartstone's Chosen (Satchel)

Draft, the sister of Sketch, is a former member of a mob known as "Randal's Spawners". She is capable of spawning genderless minions at will with almost no delay time or limit. (Draft Spawn) This, however, is not her greatest ability- her minions can enter a temporary state of enlightenment in which they may change their color schemes and share a collective consciousness (Draft Spawn (Alt)) while Draft herself become an empty, invincible shell. (Draft (Alt)) This state allows for a swarm of underlings to quickly dispatch at any target with expert decisions and incredibly coordination driving them forward. As one of Heartstone's Chosen, she serves under Satchel.

Draft may be adopted alongside Sketch and can supersede the weekly limit if room is available in the monthly limit.

15: Arms Spaghetti

Arms Spaghetti

"Knees meat, arms spaghetti, sweaters on his spaghetti already, mom's vomit."
- Eminem
You are almost certain that Eminem said this.

  • Name: Arms Spaghetti (No, we're not kidding, this is actually his freaking name)
  • Command: Heartstone's Chosen (Satchel)

I really wish I was joking.

Arms Spaghetti is... a meatball.

With spaghetti arms.

That's it.

No special abilities, no unique traits, no contracts to become a magical girl. No, he's just mundane. And edible.

I mean, he's not necessarily bad or anything, but he's not too incredible either. He's just mindbogglingly mundane. All he can do is your average Two Arrow attack with Physical damage. But... Heartstone chose him, so I guess he has potential?

16: Becquatic


"Depression is rage spread thin."
- George Santayana

  • Name: Becquatic
  • Command: Cuckoo Condor

Becquatic induces a memetic property onto organisms that forces them into a state of depression. This has led to many murders by her assistance, whether by demise by self-harm or her teammates, who are trained to be immune to this ability (which can be done with a high enough intelligence or willpower driven by Kahtem or Heartstone if all else fails). On her own, she is a balanced water fighter with decent abilities and a mild Thunder attack. If she leaves the water, she enters a state of happiness and utter euphoria and forces nearby organisms into a state of intensive mania.

Don't let her get out of the water.

17: Samind


- Samind

  • Name: Insamne Inde Urotta Urai "Samind"
  • Command: Kahtem's Chosen (High Command)

Being the only confirmed member chosen by Kahtem, Samind is a being of high respect... in theory. However, his nonsensical babblings, unpredictable actions, and faulty logic prevents his credibility from reaching past whenever Kahtem is actually in the vicinity. A pet with direct ties to the pocket-dimensions of Samawell (Samawell), Samind is capable of procuring new life from any of the heads engraved on his body with unconfirmed and heavily outlandish Species (with the exception of the occasional Troll Jelly, which we STILL can't explain). Besides this, Samind's logic alone can crush and collapse minds by draining IQ points down to negative levels and reducing the hope and will of targets.

18: Armad


"What's dangerous is not to evolve."
- Jeff Bezos

  • Names: Armad/Armorclad
  • Command: Stiltman

Armad is a rival of the Dorca clan and a close friend of Propertian. Similarly to Propertian, Armad was once capable of briefly becoming its evolved form, Armorclad (Armorclad), for durations in battle or for breeding purposes. However, after genetic alterations, Armad is now capable of making this change for indefinite bouts of time, though such is not practical for mobility. Armad has an incredible resistance to magic attacks and attacks with powerful meteor bolts.

19: Satchel


"I have my children, Doctor. What do you have now?"
- Doctor Who

  • Name: Satchel
  • Command: Heartstone's Chosen (High Command)

Satchel was among the first of the Heartstone's chosen and the most respected of the group, though this doesn't say much. She is capable of draining the saturation from her body onto excess skin to produce brain-dead clones. (Satchel Spawn) She is in charge of the rest of the Heartstone's Chosen, as the Heartstone does not directly command them, though she has a great difficulty trying to lead such an unruly group without the support or respect from other members of the Wilhelm Assembly.

20: ctopus


"Octopus? Uh, Blocktopus, Smocktopus... Um, Brocktopus?"
- Blockhead

  • Name: [Unknown set of characters/sounds]ctopus
  • Command: Unknown; assumed as Kahtem's Chosen (High Command)

The being known as ctopus (also called Xtopus, -ctopus, _ctopus, etc.) was assumed to be placed in position by Kahtem, though this has never been confirmed nor denied by anyone. It alternates between a set of heads which are projected out by illusions to conceal its true form, which has been known to melt minds out of existence. ctopus does not follow any rules or guidelines set in place by even the High Command, which leads everyone to fear its true authority.


21: Cranos


"We suffer more from our fictitious illusion and expectations of reality."
- Jacque Fresco

  • Name: Cranos
  • Command: Stiltman

Cranos is capable of projecting an image of his claws onto a physical plane, giving them Paralysis and Fire abilities and strengthening them in size and battle damage. He is among the newest additions to the Wilhelm Assembly after fleeing from a small life-bearing moon that he helped to destroy. It is heavily suggested that he knew Cansatrobe (Cansatrobe) and perhaps was the one to bring doom to his home.

22: Ime


"Rhyme- that enslaved queen, that supreme charm of our poetry, that creator of our meter."
- Victor Hugo

  • Name: "Ime the Dime Lime Slime"
  • Command: The Wheezing Monarch

It's Ime, the Lime Diamond Slime
He always has to speak in rhyme
He'll make his friends all do the same
But since it's fun, they won't complain

He's calm and chill, just like this guy
And freezes people from his eye
And while they're trapped in ice and stuck
He'll eat their bones, the nasty [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]

He'll flay your skin and slurp your blood
And smash your face to look like mud
He'll tear your limbs and snap your wrists
And leave you bruised with lots of cysts

He'll also grow three times his size
And leave you in a big surprise
It never happened, not one time!
All he did was make you rhyme.

Ime is capable of causing incredibly powerful hallucinations that drive victims into madness. He also insists on speaking in rhyme, a trait that those nearby may pick up from him (it is unclear whether this is memetic or not).

23: Prince of Gloomy Grip

Prince of Gloomy Grip

"The guy sure looks like plant food to me!"
- Little Shop of Horrors

  • Name: Haust Ro Tee
  • Command: The Wheezing Monarch Stiltman

One would be almost certain that the nephew of The Wheezing Monarch would be on good terms with him if working under him, though this is not the case. Haust, known as the Prince of Gloomy Grip, was almost smothered by his uncle's overprotective and overbearing nature to the point where Stiltman had to intervene and move him under his discretion. It is rumored that it was this rift that caused the Monarch's sudden love for torturous means of end.

Haust's main ability, besides being incredibly attractive (to pets, anyway), is the ability to move his razor-sharp appendages in a clasping fashion, dealing fatal Physical damage to unwary foes who walk above him. He also gives off an unsettling aura of an unblockable element type, dubbed the "Fear" type, which causes certain entities to flee him from a certain range, though the criteria for this and the exact extent of this area is unknown.

24: Monger


"There is poison in the fang of the serpent, in the mouth of the fly and in the sting of a scorpion; but the wicked man is saturated with it."
- Chanakya

  • Name: Monger
  • Command: The Wheezing Monarch

Monger, also known as the Silver-Strain Virus, is a prototype organism initially set to counter the Troll Disease epidemic in its early stages. Monger, the last remaining specimen of this counter-virus, is capable of injecting a copy of its DNA into an organism without removing its initial nucleoid intelligence. Monger's DNA, like the rest of the Silver-Strain Virus' DNA, absorbs chroma and aura from organisms, leaving them to be void of hue, magic, and life essence all at once. While this would not cure Troll Disease, it would remove their disregard for physics ("magic") and nigh-invincibility ("life"). The test failed as Monger, and its brethren, were found to remove more chroma than aura, leaving everything and everyone in the test facility to have no hue and to only have half-magic and half-life essences, which proved to be incredibly distressing for them and painful on an ethereal scale. As such, Monger is not allowed within 1000px of non-lethal foes and may not participate in any roughhousing/Pet Arena/etc.

25: Subar


"Being an intellectual creates a lot of questions and no answers."
- Janis Joplin

  • Name: Subar
  • Command: The Wheezing Monarch

Subar is a calculatory genius under his superior "Wheezy". However, contrary to the roles that "Delty" plays within the assembly, Subar is used for his combat abilities rather than his intelligence: he is capable of secreting two different types of solutions, one being incredibly alkaline and the other being incredibly acidic. These two are capable of melting many types of organic and inorganic matter (respectively) on their own, but can also cause radiation poisoning and chemical composition altering when in close proximity. Subar is regarded as one of Monarch's "favorites", and supposedly the only thing keeping him from getting a place as second-in-command is his horrible habit of giving people mundane and terrible nicknames.

26: Willaby


"It is far more difficult to murder a phantom than a reality."
- Virginia Woolf

  • Name: Willaby
  • Command: Cuckoo Condor

Willaby, the cousin of Greefe, is from a rare breed of Monsters that is capable of an interesting method of "spawning" involving creating a metaphyisical line of clones that stay in one place and disappear shortly after for each movement done, creating a sensation of that of a moving wall being created with each step/drill. (Think BG-Track.) This ability is incredibly helpful for cutting off and trapping victims within the ground for attacks to be dealt by other team members. She is capable of forcing creatures out of a physical realm or smashing them between her clones, though this move requires the assistance of Willaby.

27: Greefe


"The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now."
- Bill Cosby

  • Name: Greefe
  • Command: Cuckoo Condor

Greefe, the cousin of Willaby, is from a rare breed of Monsters that is capable of an interesting method of "spawning" involving creating a metaphyisical line of clones that stay in one place and disappear shortly after for each movement done, creating a sensation of that of a moving wall being created with each step/hop. (Think BG-Track.) This ability is incredibly helpful for cutting off and trapping victims on the ground for attacks to be dealt by other team members. He is capable of forcing creatures out of a physical realm or smashing them between his clones, though this move requires the assistance of Willaby.

28: Daygone


"You tried to rid the world of weapons and you gave it its best one."
- Iron Man

  • Name: Metaphysical Disarmament Cannon Model 45 "Daygone"
  • Command: Cuckoo Condor

With all of the powerful members of the Wilhelm Assembly being capable of dealing in non-physical realms and "natural" dimensions, the threat of treason or possession from these members becomes a serious threat without a backup plan. "Daygone" (known as "the backup plan" by those with a bad sense of humor) is a cannon capable of disrupting dimensional anomalies and simplifying everything onto two individual, two-dimensional skew planes from which it can easily pick off targets and destroy them. This effective procedure leaves minimal casualties and no room for mistakes, though re-converting the organisms back to their standard states can be... messy, to put it into kind terms.

29: Simoun

SimounSimoun (Charged)

"Give me a smart idiot over a stupid genius any day."
- Samuel Goldwyn

  • Name: Simoun
  • Command: Cuckoo Condor

Simoun's power is derived directly from the sun, which they can use to charge up their chroma and aura to release in the form of an all-penetrating invisible ray. They have no control over the range of devastation that this ray can cause, nor can all of their brains necessarily agree on when and where to fire it. They are frequently paired with another member of the Wilhelm Assembly under Cuckoo Condor's discretion in order to be effectively used, but as they have not received any formal training, this often results in the loss of many members of the Assembly and the need for more replacements. On the list of members to be removed whenever possible, Simoun is among those that should be replaced if possible, though Stiltman and Damascus insist that they stay until they have the time to be properly trained into a fighter.

30: Forgottenloon


"The one who was forgotten remains forgotten."
- L3 Lore

  • Name: "Forgottenloon"
  • Command: The Wheezing Monarch

Forgottenloon, one of the many Balloons found in a swarm that was shipped to LDZX adoption centers, was (as their name suggests) forgotten. Despite their name, Forgottenloon's abilities are not actually based off of forgetting, but of the erasure of physical matter as a whole. The being of Forgottenloon is actually a perfect meld between two Balloons (one male and one bigender) that both had their body parts removed in such a way that binding between the two beings was possible. Forgottenloon's matter erasure powers are enhanced with an internal suction mechanism after an incident where they were capable of erasing nonphysical matter (which may have caused their fusion in the first place) that gravitates victims into their range of effect, albeit slowly.

31: Nodles


"More Nodles... Man, why does everyone my Nodles? My Nodles! I only have so much to give!"
- Raocow

  • Names: Nodles (Nodle, Nodle, Nodle, Nodle, Nodle, Nodle, Nodle, Nodle)
  • Command: Heartstone's Chosen (Satchel)

The nonsensical Nodles is a valuable asset to the Wilhelm Assembly and among the most respected (if not the only respected) member of the Heartstone's directly chosen members. Acting as a spawner, a healer, and a very resilient range fighter, Nodles is capable of spawning various underlings (who all share its intelligence and are all called "Nodle" (singular)) with varying effects. All of the Nodles (plural), which are Sliders dropped from the air, will rapidly dash over to the nearest opponent and begin attacking, quickly mobbing and overtaking the adversary and moving on to the next one. If defeated, however, all of the Nodles (plural but individual) will drop an item of food as indicated by their Head: the Cake Nodle NodlesCake drops a Cake that lowers the AGI of moves, the Candy Nodle NodlesCandy drops a candy that increases the movement speed (if applicable), the Carrot Nodle NodlesCarrot drops a carrot that increases the Range of moves, the Coconut Nodle NodlesCoconut drops a coconut that (for some reason) charges moves with a Thunder-type, the Egg Nodle NodlesEgg drops an egg that increases the Physical attack of a move (also if applicable), the Fruit Nodle NodlesFruit drops a fruit that adds to any existing buffs (yet again if applicable), the Dango Nodle NodlesDango drops a dango stick that boosts SP, and the Onigiri Nodle NodlesOnigiri drops Onigiri that, obviously, heals LP.

32: Corsair


"That's what mommies do. They make anyone who tries to hurt their child wish they'd never been born."
- Spider-Man and the Fantastic Four

  • Name: Corsair Senior
  • Command: Stiltman

Despite her Treant-like appearance, Corsair is actually a Walker. She is capable of manipulating her body to grow more parts as is needed, which she uses in order to give her a hulking, frightening appearance. This does little to boost her physical abilities, though such an assist is not necessary for her abilities- Corsair is among the strongest fighters in the Wilhelm Assembly from her training alone. She holds high respect from Stiltman and has frequently been requested to be his second-in-command, which she also-frequently has turned down in order to take care of her son, Corsair Jr, a lot more. The Wheezing Monarch has suggested that her attachment to her child is a sign of weakness and that one or the other should be removed from the assembly, which resulted in a massive argument among the High Command that ultimately led to the Monarch getting a slew of scars from Corsair Jr and the deaths of approximately fourteen former members, most at the hands of Corsair.

33: Corsair Jr

Corsair Jr

"Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children."
- William Makepeace Thackeray

  • Name: Corsair Junior
  • Command: "Cuckoo Condor" (Corsair)

The son of Corsair, Corsair Jr is named after his mother (after all, "Corsair" is a gender-neutral name) and takes after her in his determination and will. His mild telekinesis abilities over metals, however, is most likely inherited from his currently-unknown father. Not sporting any limb-growing abilities like his mother, Corsair Jr instead levitates four small chunks of metal around him at all times absent-mindedly, and can control a larger one additionally with enough focus. Though he is listed under Cuckoo Condor's command, he will only listen to his mother and is trained and cared for by her- a fact that Cuckoo Condor is not pleased with entirely. Despite his great potential, Corsair Jr is nowhere near up to the fighting standards of the Wilhelm Assembly and has been suggested for removal by The Wheezing Monarch, Cuckoo Condor, and Kahtem, though Stiltman, the Heartstone, and Corsair will not allow it.

34: Damascus


"Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing."
- The Bible

  • Name: Damascus
  • Command: Cuckoo Condor High Command Cuckoo Condor (?)

Prior to the Corsair-Monarch disagreement, an even larger argument broke out within the High Command regarding the promotion of Damascus- a dashing young anti-hero who had single-handedly conquered entire countries on his homeworld and was feared and loved by many. While details of this squabble are fuzzy, it is known that Cuckoo Condor, who was Damascus' superior, was to be relegated as his ensign. Besides this, The Wheezing Monarch argued that other members of the Wilhelm Assembly had done similarly or better and were not at such high positions, which sparked a disagreement between him and the Prince of Gloomy Grip over something entirely different, which caused Kahtem to get a massive headache and accidentally kill almost every single member in the Wilhelm Assembly, which proudly stood with over one hundred beings all linked to the Heartstone and Kahtem directly. After an incredible dispute over this, the High Command finally settled in on the fact that Damascus would be promoted as an equal among them, at which point Damascus' rabid fanbase back on his home planet retaliated by attacking the Wilhelm Assembly, resulting in killing almost every single member, which semi-proudly stood with approximately seventy-five beings all linked to the Heartstone and Kahtem directly. It was at this moment when Damascus' abilities were revealed: He is capable of inciting a sense of rebellion within people, causing many disagreements that he uses to his advantage to move up in ranks.

As a valuable character whose destructive abilities had been proven first-hand to Kahtem, he was allowed to stay, though as punishment, he was blinded and placed under the permanent ownership of Cuckoo Condor. His sudden indefinite obedience towards her suggests that something may be going on.

35: Cuckoo Condor

Cuckoo Condor

"... And it's throwing your dollhouse world in disarray, so you can rebuild or conform."
- Change

  • Name: Cuckoo Condor
  • Command: Kahtem High Command Damascus High Command Kahtem Heartstone Herself? Unknown and unquestioned

Cuckoo Condor is one of the members of High Command and has had the worst history with the rest of them. Focusing her tactics on mechanics, she relies heavily on technology and technicians to get her share of work done. This reliance on technology stems from her very life support: her "second self" is stored in a mechanic Tan Ou Chicken that rests on her head, her "third self" is stored in a mechanic Cyan Jewel sitting atop that, and a small golden orb above all contains all of her previous genetic information. Cuckoo is not only a cyborg, but actually the third incarnation of the same being: all of her previous selves died and were resurrected into new forms with no memory or relation of/to previous ones, though for some unknown reason, her current form remembered and retained all of these details, which drove her mad. To keep herself somewhat sane, she stored all of these memories in an eloquent "crown" (detailed above) and can frequently be found talking to herself (or her other selves, rather) to plan out for future plots with the Wilhelm Assembly or merely to reminisce of past lives.

Cuckoo's tactic of leading tends to rely mostly on solving all of the minor details of an operation. Anything from needing a slight boost on a building or breaking into a high-security vault goes under her discretion, where she and those subservient to her produce gadgets and machinery to help with the job. Her precise and systematic work only goes well when she has a strict plan to follow, hence why her self-planned missions revolve around brute strength and overpowering an opponent with assorted machinery and why so many of her employees can hold their own with other abilities should all go wrong. As for her own battling system, she has a suit of armor Cuckoo Condor (Armored) adorned with beings she has known in her past that improves her defense and Physical AT. The Cord arm can also fire electric buzzsaws, the Gear Seasnake arm can fling off segments of its body as cutters, and the Diamond Claw/Chain can grapple onto surfaces or grab adversaries.

Despite being a brilliant leader, she is incredibly unreliable in terms of trust or morality- though it is not spoken out loud or mentioned elsewhere, Damascus is actually the one in charge of all of Cuckoo's underlings, and this fact is known to all but her.

36: Stiltman


"Damnation seize my soul if I give you quarters, or take any from you."
- Blackbeard

  • Name: Stiltman
  • Command: Kahtem

The most reasonable, balanced, and respected (by the underlings) of the High Command is Stiltman, a mastermind who spends more time planning and studying a situation than doing actual fighting or carrying out missions. He has high hopes and respect for his ensigns and chooses to help them master their abilities than force them to do monotonous work as his colleagues may have theirs do. Being the most benevolent of the High Command, many members have attempted to be switched under his rule and have been harshly reprimanded by the other commanders despite Stiltman's protests.

Even with his kind-hearted nature, his masterful plans for crimes incorporate the strengths of all members of the assembly, or at least as many as he can involve, and prove for effective leadership. Besides his incredible ability in this respect, he is also a powerful fighter in his own right, though he never uses his true attack unless absolutely necessary. On these occasions, usually in life and death situations regarding other members of the Wilhelm Assembly, he can fire a rainbow sound-based laser from his mouth that continues blasting for a solid twenty seconds and disintegrates all organic matter on touch.

Not having much of a history that is noteworthy, it is known that he is the arch-enemy of Voxatron Voxatron and has battled him in the past before alongside his equally-tall brethren.

37: The Wheezing Monarch

The Wheezing Monarch

"Something in his eyes, something in his laugh, something in his voice made my skin crawl off."
- Faust, Midas, and Myself

  • Name: Ok Es Tee
  • Command: Kahtem

The Wheezing Monarch is the action-based leader of the High Command, sending out his underlings to use their abilities and other skills to complete field work. He especially favors those with deadly and painful methods of execution and attack and has a personality to match this obsession of his. His sadistic approach on things leads him to be among the most feared of the entirety of the Wilhelm Assembly.

Being incredibly old, his fighting abilities have deteriorated from age and battle scars (refer to the Corsair description for more on that right), as well as from emotional stress brought about from his overprotective nature of his nephew, the Prince of Gloomy Grip. Though he moves slow and has a low Range, he can produce very potent acids and can bring down the immune systems of nearby adversaries if they get close enough and can't seem to run away, which was a very good combo move with Haust in the past. This internal and external breakdown is where Ok got his nickname as The Wheezing Monarch in the first place, and the physical appearance of what remains of victims to this move may have led to him being desensitized and eventually pleased with gruesome deaths.

38: Heartstone


"Fling but a stone, the giant dies."
- The Spleen

  • Name: Heartstone
  • Command: Kuipter Itself

The very core of the Wilhelm Assembly, the Heartstone is one of the three primal essence stones, accompanied by the former Soulstone and the now-fragmented Mindstone. It measures the hearts and wills of organisms and measures their qualities of life. With its initially pacifistic nature, it becomes curious as to why the Heartstone chose to side with Kuipter's destructive wishes, or why it continues to follow down this path today.

It is arguable who is really in charge of the Wilhelm Assembly- the Heartstone or Kahtem. While Kahtem (being the mind vessel of the Heartstone) supposedly works under its actions, the many altering souls may dictate alternate plans. Perhaps the Heartstone acts more as a symbol than a true leader, and truly does remain a pacifist. This, however, is unconfirmed and merely speculation.

The Heartstone does not speak whatsoever and has manipulative abilities as attacks. These may include altering the willpower of nearby beings with an absolute chance of success, stopping the bloodflow/other-vital-fluid-flow of organisms, or collapsing DNA from its source.

Being the very core of the Wilhelm Assembly, the Heartstone can only be adopted alongside four other members. The High Command or Heartstone's Chosen will count as two for this count. Whoever owns Heartstone cannot own Ceriazibus or Kahtem.

39: Ceriazibus


"... And so there did Sock lay waiting, waiting for a civilization worthy of its wrath to be born."
- Genesis of Sock

  • Name: Ceriazibus
  • Command: Sock Kuipter Kahtem Zalgo Kahtem

Ceriazibus is, by chain of command, the highest under Kahtem, though his allegiance does not lie with him only. Serving as the stereotypical "giant deadly pet" of the big bad is not his only purpose, but as a creature from Hell, he has a passion for murder, damnation, and sin, and will promptly follow the highest bidder. His initial lord, a demonic hamster named Sock, seemed to lose his passion for destruction after his unwilling adoption at the hands of Ludicrine, at which point Ceriazibus sought out the closest evil, which at the time was Kuipter. Set to serve under Kahtem, he obeyed on missions and ideas that were especially heinous in nature, though he remained uncooperative at other times. For a brief bout when a fragment of Zalgo became present in Ludus, Ceriazibus shifted control entirely and began devouring many (past-)members of the Wilhelm Assembly, only to be finally restrained by the High Command. He currently is under control of Kahtem, though this will certainly change as more villains appear on Ludus.

Despite his physically imposing image, Ceriazibus' main defenses lie in his large structure, which he can use to stomp about or kick with (having varying results depending on the resilience of the foe). Other than this, his main attack involves shooting out a spear-like tongue from either of its mouths, which do not open up like you think they do, which he uses to grab or pierce through targets. He can also be summoned by various rituals from just about anywhere.

Ceriazibus, as he needs to be kept under control, must be adopted alongside at least three other members of the Wilhelm Assembly. The High Command will count as two pets for this count. Whoever owns Ceriazibus cannot own the Heartstone or Kahtem.

40: Kahtem


"Tulem moroxka nosparaktox tuel norax liow Katem muru xail bameu kaxtra"
- Induced chanting

  • Name(s): Kahtem (Adris, Gujel, Qotze, Nypax, Bhuil, Fomyv, Wekec)
  • Command: Kuipter Heartstone

Carved out of an ancient Hickory tree and haunted with the ghosts of deceased Guardiants, Kahtem acts as the vessel of mind for the Heartstone and, as such, is in charge of the Wilhelm Assembly (though not its "leader" per se). The beings known as Adris, Gujel, Qotze, Nypax, Bhuil, Fomyv, and Wekec are capable of reading into the minds of others and controlling their will based on their security of mind. Kahtem, as a whole, suffers from Histrionic Personality Disorder and insists on having a set number of servants at all time- hence the Wilhelm Assembly's creation. They alternate between a personality in charge, rather than blending their personalities as a Serrangio might, with the supreme one revealing itself on the top of the Totem. Their abilities may be activated at any time, however.

Acting under direct orders from Kuipter proved not to be effective as a battle tactic- the spirits all disagreed with his motives and frequently rebelled, only occasionally obeying when the Heartstone agreed. This and Ceriazibus' instability led to the downfall of the project. Now acting under the will of the Heartstone (or supposedly so, as their actions are becoming increasingly violent and dangerous), Kahtem commands their underlings on daring missions for monetary gain, which is used to care for the rest of the Wilhelm Assembly.

Adris commands acid-based powers and chose The Wheezing Monarch to be placed in charge. Gujel has command over Aukinesis, or control over gold, and chose for Cuckoo Condor to be in charge. Qotze is in charge of Heat-based Fire and is assumed to have put ctopus in charge, though this is not confirmed. Nypax specializes in the controlling of blood and bodily fluids and has a direct connection with the Heartstone. Bhuil has mastery over metaphysical and space powers and initially placed Damascus in charge. Fomyv is the calm-minded consciousness and planning mastermind of the group and placed Stiltman in charge. Wekec is the "nutjob" of the group and tends to make erratic plans and attempted to place Samind in charge, which failed miserably.

Not being willing to part with their underlings so quickly, one must own at least five members of the Wilhelm Assembly prior to adopting Kahtem. The High Command or Samind will count as two for this count. Whoever owns Kahtem cannot own the Heartstone or Ceriazibus.

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