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DISCLAIMER: Remember, all jokes made in this review are just that - Jokes. If I make a joke about something being retarded, that does not, in any way, mean I hate real people who suffer retardation in real life. They are just jokes and have no nebulous meaning behind them. Thank you and enjoy the review.


Hello everyone, DMSwordsmaster here with another episode of “Crappypastas: Why the Internet Can’t and Shouldn’t do Horror”! In this episode, we’ve finally gotten a big stinker dropped on my plate, thanks to user A, Mori! It’s called Lavender Town Syndrome Relived. Oh, Jesus Christ… The bar’s already been set pretty fucking high, hasn’t it? Well, I don’t think I even need to explain how Lavender Town has become a magnet for idiot shitheads to project their supershpooky horseshit onto. About 90% of Pokémon Creepypastas contain Lavender Town in some way, and out of those, 70% of them are probably cliché storms and are shit. So let’s stop mincing words. You’ll quickly note this author has God-awful grammar. That’ll make formatting fun! And no, I won’t fix it. Fixing his problems kind of eliminates the point. So you get to suffer with me! Let’s put on a gasmask and bust this pile of horse shit open.

Everyone that knows about Creepypastas may of hear of a little thing called "Lavender Town Syndrome". right? Yep. We already begin with a sentence with grammar mistakes a fifth grader wouldn’t make. Let this set the tone to how this pasta will play out. Well, many people believe that just a story. Other people seem to add more about the story each time it's brought up on the Wiki. You mean the wiki that deleted your horribad pasta because of how absolutely rancid it was? Irony! Well,let Me Oh, and get used to him not putting spaces past punctuation. And randomly capitalizing words that shouldn’t be capitalized. start by saying back in 1996, I've had both copies of the Beta Version of Pokémon Red and Green. Because of course some random shithead has a beta build of the original Pokémon games. Here‘s another horrible creepy pasta cliché; Contrivance. Random shit happening that happens to play out in the favor of the story itself. I.E little Deux/Diabolous Ex Machinas. Hot tip to any writer wanting to make creepy pastas; Don‘t have these. At all. Find ways to make plot events and whatnot flow well with the story in general and don‘t come across as jarring or fucking contrived as all shit. The author does explain it, as you‘ll see below, but it‘s still as contrived as all holy merciful Christ.

Wanna know how I obtained them? Well I'll tell you. Well, back in 1996 I was just turning seven. I usually moved from around the country since MY father was is the Army. He’s the Army itself?! Holy fuck! What are you, some kind of deity?? The last place I lived was in Tokyo, Japan until February 7, 1996. Because every seven year old travels the world constantly with the entire army as his father. I could remember hearing about a Gameboy and wanting to have one. But we had to move back to the United States; so that means we had to used all the money we had to go home. So I was bummed out until my father called me on his flight. “Son, you need to join me today“-Okay I’ll stop that joke.

"Hello.." I replied with a bit of a sad tone in my voice still depressed over the Gameboy I never got.

"Son.. I know you your mind Fucking hell, how old is this author?? Nine years old?? Who the fuck makes grammatical errors like this in their pasta?? Besides completely incompetent dipshits. set on getting that Game-man thing you wanted. But You know that the bills come first, son," my Dad said sternly.

"But Dad" I exclaimed."Are you at least going to be back in time for my birthday soon.?" “Dad, I was just lost the ability to speak coherently!”

My father sighed and said ." Son, I won't be able to make back before next year..but if you're a good boy.. I will send you a gift if your mother says you're being good." ”Now excuse me while I return to the army because the army needs me to return“.

I said. "OK." and hung up the phone. I know your you thinking. Okay, what my am thinking? I'm going to get the game and say a lot of demonic shit happens. Well nope it doesn't so Chill out and let me finish Jeez. …Yeah, because fourth wall leaning jokes like this are totally legit for a fucking horror story, isn’t it?? You’re an incompetent fucking idiot.

OK. So a month's time passed and my dad held up his end of the bargain and sent me a box, about medium size. Through the Fed-ex company trucks. Feeling over joyed, I grabbed the box without signing Because Fed-ex will totally just let you do that. and went up to My room ready to play. Opening the Box, I notice 3 small boxes,one containing a blue Gameboy Color and the Beta Versions of Pokémon Red and Green (which I didn't know what hell it was at the time). How did he obtain this game cartridge? Never explained! Contrivance at it’s finest. Anyways.. I started playing the game for a few hours and messing around with the Pokemon and and Quit stammering! Did you even proofread this bullshit?! trying to making humor with the Japanese text and saying things that I thought they might say. ”Thanks for getting me a game I can’t can’t read, dad father!”

Until I reached this town that had this extremely high frequency and a weird Bin-aural beat Another hot tip, if you don’t know how to spell a word, look it up online. Get used to him misspelling Binaural Beat. that played from My Left And that capitalization bullshit. This is getting annoying at this point. earphone to my right. For those that don't know what a Bin-aural beat bits are, Bin-aural beats are auditory processing artifacts, or apparent sounds, caused by specific physical stimuli. ”I got this by looking it up on the internet! Too bad I still can’t learn to spell it right!” Or in other words, it sort of plays different parts of the song through either right or left speakers. Continuing on, listening to the song really threw me out of place Did it literally pick you up and throw you? Or did it just disorient you? Your word choice is as eloquent as farting the Moonlight Sonata. until I entered the tower before my mom called me for dinner. After dinner and taking a bath, I slipped into my PJs and turned my game back on and was welcomed back with that song again.

Ignoring it,continue to play going through Honestly, at this point, reading this abomination is starting to give me a headache. So many goddamn spelling and grammatical errors… It’s driving me up the goddamn wall. And no, this isn’t a Trollpasta intended to do that. This was a fucking pasta this completely incompetent idiot uploaded to the Creepypasta wiki. what I now figured out to be the graveyard until I heard alot of bumping and moaning coming from the speakers.Ignoring it again, Oh, you know, ignore the moaning and bumping coming from the game. That’s totally normal! I entered the final room that only had two graves at the end. Then, Japanese text appeared again. Knowing I couldn't read it, I stumbled into a Pokemon battle...but there was something off about the battle..way off. Well the way to put it, is that a zombie, yes a zombie, wanted to battle me. Is this really a crossover with Buried Alive? Ughh… Things got a bit unnerving so, I thought about for a minute while the Japanese text was on the screen.

"Why not, this should be fun," I said with a smirk on my face.

That night, I sat up looking in disbelief, not because I lost, but because of what happened after losing the battle to something that look like a Dead Hand “A WHITE HAND that was in GIF FORMAT!” Subtle, author, subtle.. Seeing my character being eaten by the same Zombie that challenged me to a battle.Turning off the gameboy and as I was trying to get some sleep but that song gave me a headache.The next day, I stayed home due to a headache and a small nose bleed. Sitting in bed, I thought about throwing the game away Because getting beaten by a random fight that you don’t even know wasn’t meant to be in the game and getting a headache is reasonable grounds for throwing a game away. and not seeing it again,but..I never thought to see something like that in a game for kids. Now 11 years passed, I'm now 20.. Oh. Uh… Well that’s… Sudden. Yeah, let’s just skip eleven years until you’re twe-WAIT A MINUTE! You were seven years old! You should just be eighteen! Not only are you completely incompetent at grammar, but you fail at basic addition, as well! You’re fucking awful. Still having headaches and nose bleeds when I hear what is now known as the Lavender Town Theme. One night I was listening to Creepypastas from one of my favorite readers, Mr. Creepypasta I bet he‘d vomit if he read this., when I heard of of something called the Lavender Town Syndrome. I found out a lot of People believed that it was just stories about the Lavender Town theme that was the cause of suicides and illness of children between the ages of 7-12 You insert these details about as smooth and naturally as a hard bum fucking. shortly after the release of Pokémon Red and Green in Japan, back in February 27, 1996.

I remember getting the games the same time all of the supposedly happened.

"But then why not me?" I asked myself a lot after hearing this. I'm thinking it's a fake or a good cover up for a failed product. Either way, I'm one of the very few Americans that received a copy of the game that presumably made kids commit suicide. Then again, I remember my brother standing over me in the hospital. He called me a crazy idiot and a bunch of other stuff that I forgot..due to the Lavender Town song slowly playing in my head. Then a hard smack made me come back to reality.

"Hey dumbass, why did did you try to hang your self?" Oh yeah, that’s totally how people respond to people who try to commit suicide! “You fucking idiot! Why did you try to kill yourself?! Next time I see you do that, I’ll kill you!” Good fucking God, this author is completely incompetent. Oh, and he smoothly inserted that little detail into the story. Just… Threw it near the end! “Oh and I tried to kill myself. Just remembered that!” he yelled in an upsetting voice. Remembering that, I can say that that maybe the Lavender Town Syndrome..is indeed real.. or maybe not. Really?! Really. You’re still going to try and doubt that even AFTER you fucking tried to kill yourself over the song?! I know it’s a bunch of horse shit, but… God damn! But did you know..not everything the Creepypasta wiki was not fake. And as for the games, don't bother looking for them. The government took them away due the fact that they were illegal products and caused a lot of kids in japan to commit suicide. ”Oh yeah, I just remembered that as well! Did I mention I let my friend borrow the Green Version? W-Y-H-A-WHAT!? YOU JUST FUCKING SAID THEY WERE CONFISCATED BY THE GOVERNMENT!! Oh, and of course you leave it vague as to what happened to him, because in this rollercoaster of a pasta, we need something vague! Yeah, totally! Good fucking god, you are a miserable excuse for a writer!

So that was Lavender Town Syndrome Relived. Do… Do I even need to say it’s a Crappypasta?? Look at all the errors in the pasta itself. Look at all the horribly inserted and contrived fucking events. Look at how eloquently he progresses the story. This is a miserable excuse for a pasta. It deserves it’s place on the Trollpasta wiki. Sweet Jesus above. One goddamn star. DMS, out.

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