You suddenly become the Dark Matter.
> Consult Associate
What associate, Fuckass?
> Describe Situation
Anyway, your name is REVELIAN ZERONIUS, in case anyone gives a fuck.
You had just woken up, hence your LACK OF CLOTHES. You hear some of your acquaintances are talking about some weird game shit, but you're not really interested in chatting about it right now. You'd rather just fuck around in your castle at the moment it seems.
This is one of the rooms in your aforementioned castle, as any competent dipshit would've probably figured out by now. There are a couple of paintings here and there and some red carpet, nothing special. You decided to pick up a snack from the kitchen, which is adjacent to this room.
> Go into the kitchen
You continue into the- wait... the fuck?!
This isn't your kitchen-This isn't even part of your castle! Who's this white-ass kid and his weird blue clown ghost? Why is everything black and white? Why are you asking all of these questions?
Somebody needs to explain this shit, fast.
> PIME TARADOX: HAPPEN
I WARNED YOU ABOUT TIME PARADOXES BRO. I TOLD YOU DOG!!
and stupid online gif-makers
> Revelian: Exit before you go insane
It appears you have already lost your marbles.
You suddenly become the dark matter.
> Look behind painting
Somehow getting a feeling in your gut that you shouldn't go in the kitchen for some reason, you decide to look behind a nearby painting.
It appears that there is a safe hidden behind the painting.
> Forget then Unforget the combination
It probably wouldn't be that hard for you to remember the combination, but it looks like to unlock the safe you need eight keys as well! Apparently whatever is in here is pretty damn important. Also, the keys you need would look like those old-looking ones you find in video games, not like house or car keys.
Now that you think about it, your castle is pretty damn huge. You're going to have to forget the safe or find a better way to find the keys than simply roaming about.
> OH YEAAHH!
Suddenly, without warning, a poorly cropped Kool-Aid guy bursts through the wall!
The powerful impact decimates the wall and sends the safe flying.
The lock is rendered useless by the collision.
Upon landing on the ground, the safe door swings open to reveal its contents.
The safe appears to contain eight keys.
> Question about the Key Paradox
One of the main components of the universe is CHAOS, but since there's no rhyme, reason or method to the madness, you GIVE NO FUCKS about that.
That, or you seem to face these kind of situations more often than others, especially with that one Yoshi. You are just not easy to impress, if he seriously wants to prove himself as a non-pathetic joker.
You've dealt with that kind of tomfoolery from him before, but since you're in a story, you'll make sure that EVERYTHING goes according to THE PROPER PLOT.
> Dissappearificate the Kool-Aid Man and open safe yourself
If there's one thing you are good at, is that your ADMIN POWARZ is more powerful than all of your ASSOCIATES' COMBINED. All you have to do is to ROLLBACK these revisions... right here.
Here you go. No vacuum or mop.
Revelian: NOW THEN...
> Punch safe
And... you punched a fucking hole in the wall.
That was a horrible idea.
> Go down the hallway
With not the time nor care to fix the gaping hole in the wall, you move into the WEST HALLWAY.
Also, to note, you think the last time you saw LUNA was in the courtyard.
> Place painting back over hole
In case some psychotic burglar of MEATY SUBSTANCES decides to break in for some stupid fucking reason and steal all of your hamburger meat, you decide to head back into the room cover up the hole. Can't have people seeing the GIANT FUCKING GAPING HOLES in your walls. That shit's just distasteful.
You also decide to get dressed because, although you lack any visible "tools", so to speak, you don't wanna float around naked forever.
...Let's... Not comment on that thought.
> Stop being a lazy fuckwit and go to the damn courtyard already
ALRIGHT FINE FUCK YOU.
(I'VE GOT A LOVELY BUNCH OF COCONUTS)
So after almost a year of delays due to busy/lazy authors, you finally decide to move your ass out to the Courtyard. Hope the whole adventure hasn't ended already. Knowing your shitty luck, probably not.
So you enter the courtyard, and... Wait, why the fuck are there shell casings falling down from the sky?? You better investigate...
> Float up to see what's going on
You float up to the tower that Luna was apparently on, and find her blasting away at... Something. Seem's like she's really into it... What the fuck is she shooting at though??
> Tap Luna's back.
(INSERT GIF OF REVELIAN GETTING SHOT BY THE MINIGUN WHILE HIS ARMS AND LEGS FLAIL ABOUT HILARIOUSLY IN AN AMUSING FASHION)
So you tap Luna's back and OH FUCKING JESUS CHRIST ON A FUCKSTICK MADE OUT OF SHIT WANK STOP FUCKING SHOOTING ME OH GOD
Due to your DARK MATTER BODY, the bullets, thankfully, only leave painful welts on you. Still, that shit's gonna take... Like, an hour to heal. God damnit.
> Fall down to the floor.
(Insert picture of Luna looking down the tower with a look of worry on her face.)
OW JESUS FUCKING SHIT NUGGETS.
That was certainly painful. Not that damaging, though.
> BE THE POISONSHOT
> Back to the plot on hand. This has been your DMSWORDSMASTER TROLLING PAINT IMAGES Intermission.