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SG



EAAAUUH??!

Yeah yeah yeah. TBfaU is done, so why not juggle this along with WTE.

So yeah! This story starts all of the minor characters!

Probably going to be a "lighter" story, although it will have some dark humor in it every now and then.

SO LETS START!!!

Chapter 1 - Evil Meeting of Evilness

In the Ice Palace...

A figure walks inside of a meeting room and sits down. Soon, several other figures walk in and sit down. The lights come on...

Revealing several of the villains that have been defeated so far. Celestia, Kuipter, Ao Oni X, Grodus, and Dr. Sand sit at a desk. A TV soon floats down. The screen turns on to reveal none other then Zalgo.

Zalgo: SAXXZAZXAXCXXCZXZX.

Celestia: ...Come again?

A translator turns on.

Zalgo: I HAVE BROUGHT ALL OF YOU BACK TODAY TO SERVE ONE PURPOSE...

Celestia: Hmph. I'm glad you got me off of that blasted sun, anyways... Why is Revelian in here??

Zalgo: THAT IS KUIPTER, REVELIAN'S INSANE BROTHER.

Celestia turns to him and smiles. Kuipter simply glares back at her.

Kuipter: Why the fuck is Obama here?

Ao Oni X: I AM NOT OBAMA, YOU ONE EYED COCK!!

Kuipter: OBAMAMAMAMAMAAAAN!!

Zalgo: SILENCE. AS I WAS SAYING... I HAVE BROUGHT YOU ALL HERE TODAY TO SERVE ONE PURPOSE...

On the screen, several images flash, showing each of the villain's defeats.

Zalgo: SEPARATED, WE ARE WEAK. BUT UNITED... WE HAVE THE POWER TO DESTROY THOSE THAT HAVE WRONGED US MOST!!!

Kuipter: Like my brother...

Celestia: And my ignorant sister.

Ao Oni X: AND THAT STUPID SQUATTING MORON...

Grodus and Dr. Sand remain silent.

Zalgo: WE WILL UNITE OUR STRENGTHS AND DEFEAT OUR ENEMIES. THEN THIS WORLD WILL BE OURS. NOW, CONGREGATE WITH EACH OTHER.

The TV floats away.

Kuipter: Seriously, why the fuck is Obama here??

Ao Oni X: I AM NOT OBAMA!!!

Kuipter: Sure you're not! And I'm not a one eyed, insane Dark Matter!

Celestia: So, you're Revelian's brother, no?

Celestia moves closer to Kuipter. Kuipter simply grins.

Kuipter: I like where this is going.

Dr. Sand: ...Why am I here...?

Grodus: Hmph. They're just using my palace as a base of operations...

Dr. Sand: O...K...???

Ao Oni X: WE NEED A GROUP NAME!! SOMETHING DARK, SOMETHING EVIL, SOMETHING THAT STRIKES FEAR INTO PEOPLE'S HEARTS!!

Kuipter: Kuipter and his slaves.

Celestia: Yeah, no. I'm no slave to you. We have an army, don't we?

Kuipter: Hehe, you'll be a slave to me when we actually fu-

Grodus: Of various X-Nauts, Dark Matters, and Sand Henchmen, yes. Plus your army, and those... blue things.

Celestia: Then we are the Solar Empire.

Kuipter: That name sucks. We're not an "Empire".

Grodus: ENOUGH INSOLENCE. I WILL NAME OUR GROUP! WE ARE THE DOMINATING INTIGATIONARY COMBATIVE KARMIC SQUAD.

Kuipter: ...Take the first letter out of each of those names.

Grodus: Er, Ok... D-I-C-OH GOD DAMNIT.

Dr. Sand finally stands up.

Dr. Sand: Team Evil.

He sits down.

Kuipter: ...Lame, but hey. It's better then the stupid pony-thing's suggestion. And it's a helluva lot better then being called "DICKS". I vote for that, since no one else will vote for anything but their own fucking names.

Celestia: ...Impudent swine. So rude.

Kuipter: Babe, by the end of this, you know we're gonna fuck at least once. So shut up.

He grins again. Celestia rolls her eyes. The TV soon floats back down.

Zalgo: HAVE WE REACHED A DECISION??

Kuipter: Yeah yeah. Team Evil.

Zalgo: HOW... PLAIN.

Kuipter: THEN YOU COME UP WITH SOMETHING YOU MECHANICAL FREAK.

Celestia: Kuipter, please. Sit down. Stop making a mockery of yourself.

Kuipter angrily sits down.

Zalgo: FINE. NOW THEN... ATTACK LDZX HEADQUARTERS!

They all stand up.

Zalgo: TEAR THEM ALL TO PIECES!!!

They all run out of the palace towards LDZX!!

Chapter 2 - Lazro Being Lazro

Lazro continues to pound at LDZX Corp's doors.

Lazro: ...Wait, why am I here?? DMS is off on his honeymoon with Luna, ZX and Pinkie Pie went somewhere else for a date, and LD went to visit the Inactivity Zone.

He hears something rumble behind him.

Lazro turns around to see Team Evil running towards him.

Lazro: OH MY SWEET HOLY F-

Lazro gets blasted with a magical blast and sent flying away.

Celestia: Got him good, didn't I?

Kuipter: ENOUGH. CHAAAARGE!!

They all smash through the door!! But they soon realize that... Well, it's abandoned.

Grodus: ...There's no one here.

Kuipter: Welp, then that means we've won!!

Kuipter walks over to a desk and sits down, putting his feet on the desk.

Celestia: We haven't won anything, impudent swine. They're just not here.

Kuipter: Relax!! Get the armies to start taking over territories. Clearly, no one's here to stop us now!

Celestia: Ugh. When this blows up in our face...

Kuipter smacks her ass once.

Kuipter: Shut up and get moving, toots.

Celestia spins around and backhands him.

Dr. Sand: ENOUGH. Just get going!

Celestia pouts and walks off.

Meanwhile...

Lazro continues to fly. He lands at S17's house.

S17: *Admires randomness*

Lazro: SAM. WE'VE GOT BIG TROUBLE!!

S17: Wait wait what??

Lazro: UGGHHH... KUIPTER... CELESTIA... GRODUS... AO ONI... DR. SAND...

He falls over, passed out.

S17: Oh crap.

S17 grabs Lazro and runs over to DMS' castle. How did he carry Lazro? WITH HIS ABOVE-AVERAGE STRENGTH!!!

At DMS' Castle...

S17 beats on the door. 02 soon appears and answers it.

02: Sam?? What're you and Lazro doing here??

S17: IS DMS STILL HOME??

02: Sorry, he and Luna left a while ago.

S17: AWWW CRAP!!

02: What's wrong???

S17: A BUNCH OF OLD VILLAINS ARE ATTACKING!! AND ALL OF THE MAIN PROTAGONISTS ARE GONE!!!

02: Oh shit!

S17: YEAH I KNOW!!

Suddenly, Squato appears, carrying Rebecca!

Squato: SQUATO!!!

Rebecca: Oh, hi Lazro! Hi... Lazro's friends!!

Lazro regains consciousness.

Lazro: Rebecca?? Squato?? What're you doing here?? What am I doing here?!? WHAT PLANET IS THIS??

02 slaps Lazro.

02: SHUT UP. You know what's happening, right??

Lazro: A bunch of villains are attacking!!

02: Yes, we know that.

Rebecca: What?!

02: Yeah. A bunch of villains DMS and the others beat are back.

Lazro: Yeah, they were all together, like they've joined forces! Hey, look over there!!

They all turn around to see a bunch of Equestrian soldiers.

Lazro: Hey, 02?

02: ...Yes?

Lazro: TELEPORT US THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!

02 teleports them the fuck out of there.

They wind up at Lazro's house.

Lazro: OK THEN. LET'S ALL CALM OUR SHIT DOWN.

02: ...We're calm.

Lazro: I SAID CALM DOWN!!

02 glares at him.

Lazro: Ok then, so-

02: CALM DOWN, LAZRO!! LAZRO, RELAX!!

02 slaps Lazro.

02: CALM DOWN, BRO!!

02 slaps him again.

S17: ENOUGH!! Seriously...

Lazro: AHEMEM. Anyways, yeah. All of the villains are back, and if I'm right, they're trying to take over the territories. SO YEAH.

Suddenly, an Ao Bat comes flying towards them!

Lazro: OHSHITKILLIT!!

Leechum: Lazro, relax! It's just me, Leechum!!

Lazro: Oh, Leechum! HAIA.

Leechum turns back into her leech form.

Leechum: So are these friends of yours?

Lazro: Yeh. Anyways, G-MAN we NEED YOUR HELP.

Leechum: Lemme guess, a bunch of villains have taken over the territories?

Lazro: Hey, how'd ya know?

Leechum: Oh, well, because complexes are popping up all over the map!

Lazro: OH SHIT!

02: We've gotta relax. We've gotta take over one territory at a time!

Leechum: I saw 5 main bases... So yeh.

Lazro: Ok then... SO. The villains that have returned are... Grodus, Kuipter, Ao Oni X, Dr. Sand, and Celestia... I wonder how we'll tell which one from which?

Leechum: Well, the territories each have their own minions guarding it. I can lead you guys to any of the 5 villains you're looking for!

Lazro: GREAT! So then... Let's make a decision. Who do we go after first?

Squato: LETZ GO AFTER CELESTIA!!

Lazro: EEHEHEHEHE NO.

02: I say we leave a poll!

Lazro: ...Wut.

02: Just lemme do it...

02 gets online on DMS's acccount and HEY WHY IS THERE A POLL BELOW?!?

POLL IS DED

STAGE SELECT!

MCSStageSelect

And, well, the winner is Celestia!

Chapter 3 - Sauna

(Moves cursor over Celestia and presses Start.)

INTRO

Celestia appears and turns away from the camera, bending over slightly. She slaps her left ass-cheek.

Celestia: Come at me, pretty-boy.

READY

Lazro: So, we're going after Celestia, huh?

Leechum: Yup. Follow me!

The gang follows Leechum. They soon wind up... in some sort of sauna.

(Theme)

The 6 approach the entrance. They see a sign.

"Sexy men only!"

Lazro facepalms.

Lazro: Great.

02: Well I'm going in there. I don't care.

Squato: ME GO IN TOO!!

Rebecca: Err... I think I'll sit this one out.

S17: Same.

Leechum: Yeah, me too.

02: Why??

S17: I don't want to be surrounded by men.

02: ...Good point.

So 02, Lazro, and Squato go inside. Lazro changes to his shorts, Squato puts on a thong (It's as awkward as it sounds) and 02 just takes her cloak off.

Lazro: Didja have to take your cloak off??

02: Yes, why?

Lazro: It's a bit awkward. I mean... You're DMS's MOTHER.

02: So? I mean, it's not like you're doing anything to me.

Squato: WOO LOOK AT ME SQUAT!!

02 and Lazro do not look at him squat. They keep moving. A tall, muscular Equestrian comes over towards them.

Guard: Well hey, baby, the sign said men only, but I might make an exception for you... If you'd do me a favor.

02 smiles.

02: I see what you want.

Lazro: OH GOD REALLY.

Suddenly, 02's tentacle thing comes out of there. 02 gives an evil grin.

02: Suck it, big boy. Suck it like a lollipop.

The guard gives a look of absolute horror. He runs away, screaming. Lazro stares in shock. Squato does squats nearby. The tentacle recedes.

Lazro: That's... your...

02: No, it's not really that. I was just getting rid of the guard. It's actually my heart.

Lazro: BUT DOES IT HAVE TO COME OUT OF THERE???

02: Where else would it come out of? My mouth? That'd choke me.

She turns away and keeps moving. Lazro just stands there, shakes his head, and runs after her.

Squato: SQUAT! O! SQUAT! O! ...WAIT FOR ME!!

He runs off after them. They soon see a door ahead. There's another sign on it.

"MASTURBATION ROOM - SUP CLOSET".

Lazro: Scared

02: Let's NOT go in there.

Squato: BUT WHAT IN THERE?

Squato charges inside.

02: Let's not chase him.

Lazro: Quite.

They both turn away and run down a different hallway. They spot a few Equestrians walking towards them.

Lazro: Oh crap.

Guard: Hey! INTRUDERS!!

Battle: 3 Royal Guard Cs!

Lazro charges in with the Dual 02 Katanas!

Royal Guard C1 took 1029 damage!

02 used PSI Freeze!

Royal Guard C1 took 3049 damage!

Royal Guard C1 was defeated!

Royal Guard C2 slices with a sword!

Lazro took 2039 damage!

Royal Guard C3 slices with a sword!

Lazro took 2409 damage!

Lazro used the IRONGLOW KEY!! It became a Yellow Devil! (Megaman)

The Yellow Devil attacks!!

Royal Guard C2 took 9059 damage!

Royal Guard C2 was defeated!

02 used PSI Freeze!

Royal Guard C3 took 3201 damage!

Royal Guard C3 was frozen!

Lazro charges in with the Dual 02 Katanas!

Royal Guard C3 took 1904 damage!

Royal Guard C3 was defeated!

YOU WIN!!

Lazro: WELL DAT WAS EASY.

02: Quite. Let's go.

Suddenly, Squato smashes through a wall.

Squato: HAY GUYS!! I SAW ALL OF THESE MEN AND THEY HAD BIG, WEIRD TUBES BETWEEN THEIR LEGS! AND THERE WERE THESE LITTLE SACKS UNDERNEATH OF THEM! AND THEY SHOT OUT WHITE STUFF WHEN THEY WERE PUMPED!!

Lazro: Scared

02: ...Squato, we're going to have a special talk when this is over.

They all move on. They wander around the sauna some more.

Lazro: ...I think we're lost.

02: No kidding.

Squato: SQUAT! O! SQUAT! O!

Lazro: CAN YOU SHUT UP? DO YOU WANT US TO BE CAUGHT?!?!

Guard: Hey, I thought I heard something!

Guard 2: Over there!!

Lazro: *Facepalm*

Battle: 2 Royal Guard Cs, 1 Royal Guard L

Lazro used the HAIRPIN! It became an Instant Microwave Oven!

Lazro: Wut.

Lazro threw the Instant Microwave Oven! BONUS FOR LETTER I!

Royal Guard L took 920 damage!

02 used PSI Fire!

Royal Guard C1 took 1495 damage!

Royal Guard C2 took 1203 damage!

Royal Guard L didn't take any damage!

02: Urgh, those darker guards resist magic!

Squato attacks!

Royal Guard C1 took 3094 damage!

Royal Guard C1 was defeated!

Royal Guard C2 launches light magic!

02 took 4930 damage!!

02 was knocked down!

Second attack!

Royal Guard C2 slices with a sword!

Lazro took 2103 damage!

Royal Guard L launched dark magic!

Lazro took 7096 damage!!

Lazro got hurt and collapsed...

02 used PSI Freeze!

Royal Guard C2 took 4932 damage!

Royal Guard C2 was defeated!

Squato throws a powerful punch!

Royal Guard L took 2394 damage!

Royal Guard L slices with a sword!

Squato took 5940 damage!

02 slices with her sword!

Royal Guard L took 1293 damage!

Squato jumps forward and used SQUATO SMASH!!

Royal Guard L took 4059 damage!

Royal Guard L was defeated!

YOU WIN!!

Lazro gets to his feet.

Lazro: Those dark guys... Aren't they Luna's guard?? They must all be under Celestia's payroll... Traitorous bastards.

02: They're mercenaries. They work for money. I wonder why they have dragon wings, though??

Squato: HE HAVE NO TUBE :(

02 facepalms.

02: Those specific guards must have been castrated or something.

Squato: I WANNA BE CASTRATED!!

Lazro: NO, SIR, NO YOU DON'T. NO MAN WANTS THAT.

02: Let's just keep moving...

They keep moving because he was knocking on the door.

They soon reach a last door. On the door is "KEEP OUT. BUSINESS IN PROGRESS."

02: Do we risk it?

Lazro: Do we have a choice? Let's hope we don't see- or hear- anything else sickening.

Lazro opens the door. Inside is something sickening. HURRRR.

Kuipter sits on a bench nearby, facing the gang. His eye is closed, and he looks... relaxed. Down between his legs is Celestia, stripped down to her bra and panties. She constantly bobs her head up and down between his legs.

Lazro: *Facepalm* DID WE REALLY HAVE TO SEE THAT?!

That catches both of their attentions.

02: You have bad taste in women, son.

Kuipter: UGH, CAN'T YOU FUCKERS READ THE SIGN!?! WHY THE FUCK IS MY MOM HERE?! THAT'S IT, BAILING!!

Celestia: What, you're going to leave me to fight them?!

Kuipter: THIS AIN'T MY STAGE!

He flies through the roof. Celestia stands up, irritated.

Celestia: Hmph! Couldn't even get to finish. Oh well, we'll wrap that up later...

She spins towards the gang, eyes glowing.

Celestia: Now then... You little shits must be the "minor" characters, huh? I'll eliminate all three of you. Now then...

Boss: Celestia (Theme)

Lazro used the HAIRPIN! It became... A mudball.

Lazro throws the mudball! It splashes all over Celestia!!

Celestia: WRETCHED FILTH!!

Celestia must take a turn to clean it off! (BECAUSE SHE'S PAMPERED LIKE THAT)

02 uses PSI Freeze!

Celestia didn't take any damage!

Squato throws a punch!

Celestia takes 405 damage!

Celestia wipes the mud off of her!!

Lazro used the HAIRPIN! It became an RPG!

Lazro fires the RPG!

Celestia takes 2239 damage!

02 slices with her sword!

Celestia takes 410 damage!

Squato leaps forward and used SQUATO SMASH!!

Celestia takes 1023 damage!

Celestia charges up energy and unleashes a massive fire-wall!!

Lazro takes 8960 damage!

02 takes 4059 damage!

Squato takes 9102 damage!!

Lazro uses the IRONGLOW KEY!! It became an energy sword!

Lazro attacks with the energy sword!

Celestia takes 1302 damage!

02 fires bloody tears!

The gang recovers 9000 HP!

Squato jumps forward and uses SQUATO SMASH!!

Celestia takes 1293 damage!

Celestia launches light magic!

02 takes 39492 damage!

02 got hurt and collapsed...

Lazro: OH SHIT.

Lazro used the HAIRPIN! It became medicine!

02 was revived!

02 launches dark magic!

Celestia takes 3049 damage!! Celestia was knocked down!

Lazro: FINALLY A WEAKNESS.

Second attack!

02 launches dark magic!

Celestia takes 3929 damage!! Celestia leaps to her feet!

Celestia: Hmph. I see you're determined. Fine, I'll let you live... for now, anyways.

Celestia teleports away!

YOU WIN!!

Lazro: YEY WE WON!

02: That's one territory taken over, at least...

Squato: SQUATO!!!

Lazro: Yeah, let's get out of here and plan our next move...

They head out and meet the others.

02: Ok, then, let's plan our next move...

02 hacks onto DMS' account and GOD DAMNIT POLLS.

STAGE SELECT UPDATED!

MCSStageSelect2

02: Ok, now we're going after Dr. Sand.

Lazro: Last time I saw him he was crazy and he hung himself but was still alive.

02: Most likely Kuipter's work.

S17: I wonder what Kuipter is doing...

Lazro: I DON'T.

Leechum: ...Do I need to explain where this guy is?

Everyone else: Desert area?

Leechum: Yup.

02: Count me out for that area. I hate deserts.

Squato: ME NOT LIKE HOT PLACE :(

Lazro: *Facepalm* Fine, come on everyone else.

Lazro, Leechum, Rebecca, and S17 head off.

Chapter 4 - 99% Less Sex Jokes

(Moves cursor over Dr. Sand and presses Start)

INTRO

Dr. Sand pulls out two golden revolvers, and spins then around.

Dr. Sand: Listen to my song...

READY

Lazro: So yeah, let's go to the desert.

S17: Dessert!

Lazro: Shut up, Sam.

They shove off towards the Desert series. They see a giant building.

S17: Welp, there it is.

They spy a couple of Sand Henchmen guarding the front door.

S17: Hey, it's the good-old, weak Sand Henchmen!

They charge the henchmen!

Battle: 3 Sand Henchmen

Lazro used the HAIRPIN! It became an (H)AIR(PIN)PLANE! SUPER MORPH!!

Sand Henchman launches a homing missile!

Lazro got hurt and collapsed...

Lazro: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

LAZRO GOT HURT AND COLLASPED...

S17 activated the SPEED AMPLIFIER!! The team can attack twice now for 3 turns!

Rebecca used PSI Healing!

Lazro was revived!

Lazro: HOW DID YOU USE THAT?!

Rebecca: I've been training!!

Leechum transforms into Ao Oni X!! ...But cannot do so!!

Leechum: What?!

Lazro charges in with the Dual 02 Katanas!

Sand Henchman 1 took 2019 damage!

Second attack!

Sand Henchman 1 avoided the attack!

S17 unleashes a flaming slash!

Sand Henchman 1 took 1029 damage!

Sand Henchman 1 was defeated!

Rebecca fires an ice laser!

Sand Henchman 2 was frozen!

Leechum transforms into an Ao Goliath!

Sand Henchman 2 is frozen!

Sand Henchman 3 throws a bomb!

Lazro takes 2019 damage!

S17 takes 2301 damage!

Lazro launches a fireball out of the Dual 02 Katanas!

Sand Henchman 2 takes 3092 damage!

Sand Henchman 2 was defeated!

S17 charges up a mega-slash!!

Rebecca fires a thunder laser!

Sand Henchman 3 takes 102 damage!

Leechum throws a punch!

Sand Henchman 3 avoids the attack!

Lazro does nothing.

S17 unleashes a mega slash!!

Sand Henchman 3 took 4930 damage!!

Sand Henchman 3 was defeated!

YOU WIN!!

Lazro: Well, they've gotten a bit stronger.

S17: Still no match for us!

Leechum: How... How did I not transform??

Lazro: Maybe it's because Ao Oni X was brought back to life.

Leechum: Makes sense.

Rebecca: Alright, then, let's go!

They proceed, tearing through some Sand Henchmen that I'm too lazy to add. They soon arrive at a gate guarded by 3 Elite Sand Henchmen.

Lazro: Oh boy, these guys look tough.

S17: Bring em on!

Battle: 3 Elite Sand Henchmen

Lazro activated the HAIRPIN!! It became a super-bomb!

Lazro throws the Super Bomb!

Elite Henchman 1 took 1029 damage!

Elite Henchman 2 took 1394 damage!

Elite Henchman 3 took 1201 damage!

S17 uses a flaming slash!

Elite Henchman 1 took 960 damage!

Rebecca fires an ice laser!

Elite Henchman 2 was frozen!

Leechum transforms into an Ao Goliath!

Elite Henchman 1 fires an energy pistol!

Lazro takes 4039 damage!

Elite Henchman 2 is frozen!

Elite Henchman 3 fires an energy pistol!

Leechum takes 3594 damage!

Lazro activated the HAIRPIN! It became an SMG!!

Lazro fires the SMG!

Elite Henchman 3 took 6059 damage!!

Elite Henchman 3 was defeated!

S17 charges up a mega slash!

Rebecca fires a flame laser!

Elite Henchman 1 took 2019 damage!

Leechum throws a punch!

Elite Henchman 1 took 1394 damage!

Elite Henchman 1 was defeated!

Elite Henchman 2 is frozen!

Lazro charges in with the Dual 02 Katanas!

Elite Henchman 2 takes 1293 damage!

S17 unleashes a mega slash!!

Elite Henchman 2 took 4039 damage!!

Elite Henchman 2 was defeated!

YOU WIN!!

Lazro: Easy. Let's go!

They go into a door the defeated henchmen were guarding.

Inside, Dr. Sand was turned away from them, hastily typing on what looked to be a large monitor. The door slams shut behind them, causing Dr. Sand to spin towards them, armed with two large revolvers.

Dr. Sand: Oh... It's just you. I expected that you would come...

Lazro: Why are you doing this, Dr. Sand? You used to be a brilliant researcher... And now you've lowered yourself to this??

Dr. Sand: After my daughter died, I fell on the path of evil... I lusted for revenge... But sadly, that day will never come.

Lazro: The bastard that murdered your child is the one-eyed cycloptic asshole that's on your team!!

Dr. Sand: And you don't think I'm fully aware of that? What am I going to do, walk up to him and get in a fist fight with him?!

Lazro: You could come with us... We plan on stopping their plans... If you came with us, you could definitely get your revenge.

Dr. Sand: I'm afraid that it's too late for me. The only thing that matters now is... our battle.

Dr. Sand aims his revolver at Lazro and cocks it.

Lazro: Damnit...

Boss Battle: Dr. Sand

Lazro used the HAIRPIN! It became a revolver!!

Lazro: It's showdown time!!

(Stereotypical Wild West music here)

PRESS THE BUTTON PROMPT WHEN IT APPEARS!

READY...

X

Lazro presses Z.

FAIL

Lazro got hurt and collapsed...

S17 uses a flame slash!

Dr. Sand takes 1020 damage!

Rebecca fires an ice laser!

It doesn't affect Dr. Sand!

Leechum transforms into an Ao Goliath!

Dr. Sand unleashes a flurry of energy-bullets! (You didn't think they were REAL, did you?)

S17 takes 5069 damage!

Leechum takes 6059 damage!

S17 activates the Speed Amplifier!

Rebecca used PSI Healing! Lazro was revived with 5000 LP!

Leechum throws a punch!

Dr. Sand takes 1504 damage!

Lazro activates the HAIRPIN! It became a revolver!

Lazro: OH CRAP.

(Stereotypical Wild West music here)

PRESS THE BUTTON PROMPT WHEN IT APPEARS!

READY...

Z

Lazro presses Z!

Dr. Sand takes 5000 damage!

Lazro: HELL YA.

S17 changes weapons! He equips the Ice Naginata!

Rebecca fires a thunder laser!

Dr. Sand takes 2102 damage!

Dr. Sand gets knocked down! (Cause lightning turns sand into glass? YAGETIT)

Second attack!

Rebecca fires a thunder laser!

Dr. Sand takes 930 damage! Dr. Sand leaps to his feet!

Leechum throws a punch!

Dr. Sand takes 1291 damage!

Dr. Sand fires an exploding bullet!

Leechum takes 14093 damage!!

Leechum got hurt and collapsed...

Lazro charges in with the Dual 02 Katanas!

Dr. Sand takes 503 damage!

S17 unleashes a mega-slash!!!

Dr. Sand takes 2590 damage!

Rebecca fires a thunder laser!

Dr. Sand takes 2905 damage!

Dr. Sand backs up, wounded!

YOU WIN!!

Dr. Sand: D-damnit... Why don't you brats finish me off...!?

Lazro: Because, you're not really an evil villain. You're just a father who got bent the wrong way by his daughter's death...

Dr. Sand: ...

Suddenly, Kuipter appears behind Dr. Sand!

Kuipter: COME ON, OLD MAN! YOU LOST!!

Kuipter grabs Dr. Sand and warps him away!

Lazro: Damnit!

Leechum: Well, we won... Let's go back and meet the others.

Suddenly, Lazro gets a communication!

02: Lazro?! Are you there?! We've got a problem!!

Lazro: What what what?!

02: Dozens of Dark Matter are attacking us! We've managed to hide away somewhere, but-

Lazro: Leave this to me...

Lazro: TO THE MOO-CAVE!

(Batman-style transition)

Suddenly, everyone winds up in a large cave.

02: ...How...?

Lazro: The Random One? Doi!! So anyways, TIME TO PLAN OUR NEXT MOO-VE!

02 slaps him upside the head for that pun. She then hacks onto DAMNIT POLLS!!!

MCSStageSelect3

Chapter 5 - RETURN OF BLUE OBAMA

Lazro: Oh great. Ao Oni X.

02: He looks... weird.

Lazro: Yeah, I know.

Leechum: He's "SUPPOSEDLY" invincible.

Squato: HE GOT MELTED BY LAVA :)

Lazro: Then how did he come back?? How are ANY of these villains back?! All of them either died or were sealed away! The only one that wasn't was Grodus! Did HE bring them all back?

02: No way, he's too weak to do that.

S17: Alright, who's up for fighting Ao Onis??

Lazro: I think me, Rebecca, and Squato should go. I mean, we DO have experience fighting these guys...

Leechum: What about me??

Lazro: Hmm... LET'S FLIP A COIN.

They flip a coin. Leechum isn't going. OH MAH GAWD TEH SUSPENSE

Lazro: Yeah... So, where are they, Leechum?

Leechum: The bastards took over my mansion!

Lazro: Feh, fitting. Let's go,

Lazro and the other walk off.

(Moves cursor over Ao Oni X and presses Start.)

INTRO

Ao Oni X stomps the ground once.

Ao Oni X: COME AT ME, FAGS!!

READY

Lazro, Rebecca and Squato head towards the Ao Oni Mansion.

Lazro: CASTLEVANIA INTRO!

Rebecca: ...You haven't changed a bit, have you?

Lazro: Nope.

They all head inside of the mansion.

Lazro: Ok then... WHAT FIRST?

A key sits on the table.

Lazro: I found the item, "Library key".

Rebecca: What?

Lazro: I don't know why I said that. WHO'S CONTROLLING ME?!?

DMS: I am. Now shut up and move.

Lazro: Well ok the-WOAH WHO SAID THAT?!?

Rebecca: Who said what?

Lazro: VOICES MAN. I HEAR VOICES!!

Rebecca: No, you definitely haven't changed a bit...

So they keep moving and soon find the library! Lazro uses the key and they all head inside.

Eerie music plays, and they hear footsteps ahead...

Lazro: WHAT IS HAPPENING

They move ahead, but don't see anything.

Rebecca: Lazro, you're being paranoid.

Squato: PARAROID!!

Rebecca: No, Squato, that's an enemy from some video game or something.

So Lazro walks towards a desk, and spots a buldge underneath a magazine.

Lazro: LOOK AT ALL THIS PORN!

Rebecca: Swag.

Lazro ignores the porn and grabs the key. Suddenly...

Standard: HEY!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING DIGGING INTO MY PORN!?

A Standard runs towards them! Cue chase music from Ao Oni.

Lazro doesn't move. The Standard walks into him.

Standard: ...WHY ISN'T THERE A GAME OVER SCREEN??

Lazro: Because this isn't Ao Oni, dipshit.

BATTLE: 1 Standard!

Lazro launches a fireball out of the Dual 02 Katanas!

Standard takes 1405 damage!

Rebecca fires an Ice Laser!

Standard wasn't affected!

Squato throws a punch!

Standard takes 2495 damage!

Standard bears its fangs and snaps at Lazro!!

Lazro takes 3950 damage!

Lazro charges in with the Dual 02 Katanas!

Standard takes 1904 damage!

Standard was defeated!

YOU WIN!!

Lazro: Man, I love these katanas. They're much more reliable then the HAIRPIN... Although the HAIRPIN can do a lot of great things... when it isn't so random.

Rebecca: So what about that key?

Lazro: I found the item, "Dungeon key".

Rebecca: ...

Lazro: OH WHOOPS DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD?

Rebecca: Let's just go...

They just go. They wander around the house a bit before stumbling into the dungeon. Aren't these segments just getting shorter and shorter?? Well too bad because I'm getting bored with this intro crap.

So yeah they find Ao Oni X in the dungeon.

Ao Oni X: YOU MEAN THAT ONE GUARD WASN'T COMPETENT ENOUGH TO STOP YOU?!?

Lazro: CAN'T ANYONE GET THAT THIS ISN'T AO ONI!?

Ao Oni X: RGH!! AND YOU!! YOU'RE BACK TOO!!

Squato: MEAN PERSON BACK >:(

Ao Oni X: I'LL TEAR ALL THREE OF YOU TO PIECES!!

He charges at the gang!

Boss: Ao Oni X (Theme)

Lazro used the HAIRPIN! It became a pistol!

Lazro fires the pistol!

Ao Oni X was defeated takes 1020 damage!

Rebecca fires a laser!

Ao Oni X takes 1201 damage!

Squato throws a punch!

Ao Oni X takes 2039 damage!

Ao Oni X does a flip kick!

Lazro takes 6059 damage!

Lazro charges in with the Dual 02 Katanas!

Ao Oni X takes 1493 damage!

Rebecca tries PSI Lifeup!

Lazro recovers 3000 HP!

Squato leaps forward and uses SQUATO SMASH!!

Ao Oni X takes 4039 damage!

Ao Oni X leaps forward and delivers a SHORYUKEN!

Squato takes 9302 damage!

Lazro activates the HAIRPIN! It became an Ice Gun! POWER BOOSTED!

Lazro fires the Ice Gun!

Ao Oni X takes 2390 damage!

Rebecca tries PSI Lifeup!

Squato recovers 3000 LP!

Squato leaps forward and uses SQUATO SMASH!!

Ao Oni X takes 4596 damage!

Ao Oni X fires a HADOUKEN!

Squato takes 15034 damage!

Squato got hurt and collapsed...

Lazro activates the HAIRPIN! It became a XM6000 Machine Gun!

Lazro: WAT?!?

Lazro fires the XM6000 Machine Gun!

Ao Oni X takes 14039 damage!!

Ao Oni X backed up!

YOU WIN!!

Ao Oni X: DAMNIT, YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! I'VE GOTTEN SO MUCH STRONGER, AND YET I LOSE TO TWERPS LIKE YOU?!? THAT'S FUCKING INCONSOLABLE! I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME!!

Ao Oni X teleports away!

Squato: OUCH.

Rebecca: S-Squato! Are you alright??

Rebecca runs over to Squato, who got knocked off of his feet by that Hadouken. However, he manages to climb to his feet.

Squato: ME OK! YOU BEAT BAD MAN??

Lazro: Yup. Ao Oni X is down.

Squato: KAYO!

Rebecca, however, is in tears.

Rebecca: Squato!! Don't get yourself hurt like that again!!

Lazro: Yeesh, Rebecca, relax! What, are you in love with the guy or something??

Rebecca: W-What?? N-no!! Don't be silly, I... I don't love him!!

She blushes furiously as she says this.

Rebecca: L-let's just go tell the others that we've won!!

She runs off. Lazro leans over to Squato.

Lazro: I think she digs you.

Squato: DIGGING ON ME WOULD HURT :(

Lazro: *Facepalm*

They both leave and meet up with the others.

02: So, you've taken care of blue Obama?

Lazro: Yeah, but he ran away. Like the others.

02: Ok then, let's start up the last poll.

So POLLS!!

MCSStageSelect4

And the winner is Kuipter!

Chapter 6 - More Awkward Scenes Ahead

Lazro: Great. Kuipter.

02: I'm definitely going with you this time.

Lazro: Yeah, we'll need all the help we can get against the Dark Matter hordes.

S17: I WANNA GO TOO!

Lazro: OKAY FINE MEH.

(Moves Cursor over Kuipter and presses Start.)

INTRO

Kuipter leaps onto the screen and points an arm cannon at the "camera".

Kuipter: Come get some...

READY

Lazro, 02, and S17 wind up outside of a large, black castle located near the Cavern series.

Lazro: Welp, here we go.

They charge in!

And soon get lost inside of the massive castle.

Lazro: URGH. This place is freaking huge!

S17: It's really creepy in here...

They continue to wander around the castle. (THEME)

Lazro: Welp, I ain't seen anything yet... WHERE ARE THE ENEMIES??

Suddenly, 3 Dark Matters materialize in front of them!

Lazro: I HAD TO ASK, DIDN'T I??

They transform into various forms!!

Battle: 1 Dark Warrior, 1 Dark Ninja, 1 Dark Samurai Flame

02 suddenly jumps forward!

02 launches a blast of light!

All 3 Dark Matters were disintegrated!

YOU WIN!!

Lazro: Geez!

02: We don't have time to mess around. Let's just get this over with so we can end this.

Lazro: Can't you do that to Kuipter??

02: Sadly, Kuipter is one of my "Children", and is far more advanced than these drones.

Lazro: Damn.

They all move ahead. Soon, they reach a door. On it is "KEEP OUT".

Lazro: Let me peer in...

Lazro quietly opens the door. He immediately slams it.

02: Look, I don't care what's in there, let's just-

Lazro: NO. YOU NO GO IN THERE. CANNOT UNSEE. ARGSADF DARK MATTER PONY TENTACLE BONDAGE SEX AFSDAFDSSD.

02 and S17 Scared.

So they wait a few minutes.

Lazro: Ok... Let's go.

Lazro peers inside. He sighs. He then kicks the door open.

Inside, Celestia and Kuipter leap out of the bed, surprised. Celestia (who's also naked) proceeds to grab her clothes.

Lazro: Me Gusta

02 slaps him upside the head.

Kuipter: UGH. FUCKING HELL! AT LEAST WE ACTUALLY GOT TO DO IT BEFORE THEY BARGED IN.

Celestia: Yes, and it was quite fun. But now, I'm out.

She gets dressed.

Kuipter: WHAT?!?

Celestia: "This ain't my stage!!"

Kuipter: Urgh, you BITCH.

Celestia warps off. Kuipter angrily picks up the bed and throws it at the gang. 02 proceeds to slice it in half.

02: Son, seriously. Why that bitch of all women?

Kuipter: BECAUSE SHE'S FUCKING HOT, AND SHE CAME ONTO ME. AM I REALLY GONNA TURN THAT DOWN?? FUCK NO! BUT THE REST OF YOU FUCKERS... I'M GONNA BLOW YOUR ASSES TO HELL!!

Kuipter charges at the gang!!

Boss: Kuipter (NO MUSIC, SUGGESTIONS?)

Lazro charges in with the Dual 02 Katanas!

Kuipter takes 1012 damage!

S17 charges up a mega slash!

02 charges up energy!

Kuipter unloads with his arm cannons!

Lazro takes 8378 damage!!

S17 takes 9302 damage!

02 takes 3291 damage!

Lazro launches a fireball out of the Dual 02 Katanas!

Kuipter takes 839 damage!

S17 unleashes a mega slash!

Kuipter takes 1583 damage!

02 launches a white ball of light!

Kuipter was stunned!

YOU WIN!!

Kuipter: WHAT THE FUCK, MAN!?

Suddenly, 02 charges towards the stunned Kuipter! She bends his body over her knee!

Lazro: What.

02 starts spanking Kuipter!

Lazro/S17: Lol

02 starts talking between spanks.

02: BAD BOY. BOYS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO HIT THEIR MOTHERS!!

With that last word, she delivers a powerful spank, sending Kuipter flying out a window. He angrily levitates up.

Kuipter: GOD DAMNIT MOM WHY DO YOU HAVE TO EMBARRASS ME LIKE THAT!?! FUCK!

Kuipter angrily flies off.

Lazro: Wow. So that's over!

The gang teleports out back to the Moo Cave.

Leechum: So, did you win?

Lazro: Yep. Just one territory left, and it's probably the easiest. We get to fight Grodus,

Squato: ME WANT COME!!

Leechum: Yeah, me too!

Lazro: AWRIGHT DEN LETZ GO.

They head off.

Chapter 7 - Easy Peasy

MCSStageSelect5

(Moves cursor over Grodus and presses Start.)

INTRO

Grodus levitates up, and spins his staff around!

Grodus: I WON'T BE HUMILIATED AGAIN!!

READY

Lazro, Leechum, and Squato wind up outside of a small castle.

Lazro: This is going to be cake, isn't it?

Squato: ME LIKE CAKE! :)

Lazro: *Facepalm* Let's just go.

They go inside of the tiny castle. Inside are 3 X-Nauts and Grodus because they didn't want to give Grodus a nice castle because he SUCKS.

Grodus: ARGH. THEY BROKE IN! ATTACK, X-NAUTS.

The three X-Nauts charge forward!

Battle: 3 X-Nauts

Lazro charges in with the Dual 02 Katanas!

X-Naut 1 took 3920 damage!

X-Naut 1 was defeated!

Squato throws a punch!

X-Naut 2 was defeated!

Leechum fires a heath-draining beam!

X-Naut 3 takes 1930 damage!

X-Naut 3 was defeated!

YOU WIN!!

Leechum: Wow, that was... sad.

Grodus: ...I HATE THIS JOB! THE OTHER FUCKING VILLAINS ARE JUST USING MY CASTLE AS A BASE!! URGH.

Lazro: How the hell is everyone suddenly back, anyways?? Dr. Sand, Kuipter, and Ao Oni were killed, and Celestia was trapped onto the Equestrian sun!

Grodus: Zalgo's back..

Lazro: Oh SHIT.

Leechum: ...Zalgo?

Grodus: He's the god of corruption or some shit like that. He brought everyone back to take control of the SR World and get revenge. However, NONE OF OUR ENEMIES SEEM TO EVEN BE HERE. THE ONLY ENEMIES WE HAVE ARE YOU TWERPS. AND NOW I'M BAILING. LATER.

Grodus teleports away.

Lazro: Was that it??

Leechum: Yeah... Did we even have to bother with this loser??

Lazro: Apparently not. Now that we've taken control of the territories, what now??

Leechum: We've gotta assault the main HQ. According to Grodus, it's his own castle.

Lazro: I know where that is! Come on!

The three run out of the tiny castle.

Zalgo.
 
0
 
0
 
10
 

The poll was created at 16:04 on April 29, 2012, and so far 10 people voted.

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MCSStageSelectFinal

Chapter 8 - (Insert Chilled joke here)

The gang all wind up outside of the Ice Palace.

02: I expect heavy resistance...

Lazro: We can do this! YEAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

Lazro charges inside. The palace is more or less empty.

Lazro: WELL WHERE DAFUQ IS EVERYONE AT?

???: Will you quiet down?

Dr. Sand suddenly appears.

Lazro: JOO!!

Dr. Sand: Yeah, all of the villains are guarding the palace... After we all lost to you, we got sent here to defend the entrance...

02: Entrance?

Dr. Sand: To the Corrupted Zone.

Lazro: THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!

Dr. Sand: But enough chit chat... It's time for round two...

Boss On Parade 1- Dr. Sand Redux

Lazro charges in with the Dual 02 Katanas!

Dr. Sand takes 549 damage!

S17 charges up a mega slash!

02 uses PSI Thunder!

Dr. Sand takes 4039 damage!!

Dr. Sand was knocked down!

Second attack!

02 uses PSI Thunder!

Dr. Sand takes 4950 damage!

Dr. Sand leaps to his feet!

Leechum transforms into an Ao Goliath!

Rebecca fires a thunder laser!

Dr. Sand takes 2302 damage!

Dr. Sand was knocked down!

Second attack!

Rebecca fires a thunder laser!

Dr. Sand takes 2530 damage!

Dr. Sand leaps to his feet!

Squato jumps forward and uses SQUATO SMASH!

(INSERT REPETITIVE FIGHT SCENE HERE)

Dr. Sand backed up!

YOU WIN!!

Dr. Sand: Hm... failed again... Oh well, I guess it's time to make my exit...

Dr. Sand throws down a sand-bomb and vanishes!

Lazro: WELP DERZ 1 DOWN.

SO THE GANG CHARGES THROUGH THE BASE. EACH OF THE OTHER BOSSES APPEAR AND ARE DEFEATED AND FLEE IN VARIOUS WAYS.

EXCEPT FOR GRODUS BECAUSE HE SUCKS LIKE THAT.

The gang soon arrives at a large rift in space...

Lazro: Think this leads into the corruption zone??

02: I suspect so...

S17: Well, let's dive in!!

They dive into the corruption zone!

WOO PORTALS YEAH!!

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